


Together We Make Indigo

by sockwith6toes



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Background DICE (Dangan Ronpa), Blood and Injury, Body Dysmorphia, Body Dysphoria, Emetophobia, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mutual Pining, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Nudity, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Physical Disability, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Postgame Saiouma, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Saihara Shuichi Needs a Hug, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Shared Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Male Character, Trans Saihara Shuichi, Transphobia, Trauma, kokichi gets hurt in this, oumasai, saiouma, self harm warning, suicidal acts, transphobic parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29135568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sockwith6toes/pseuds/sockwith6toes
Summary: The killing game was over, and Shuichi Saihara wakes up in a hospital. He finds it was all fiction, just like Tsumugi said, and that they had been kidnapped and put in a virtual killing game broadcasted on the deep web. He’s distressed and confused, but there is someone in his room with him. Recovering next to him is a very traumatized and ill Kokichi Ouma, his body broken and unstable. After everything, how will they return to normal?
Relationships: Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 23
Kudos: 55





	1. I’m Right Here

Sunlight through a curtain, that's what he saw when he woke up. Shuichi opened his eyes, steady beeps on a monitor beside him. There was an IV drip in his wrist, the bag connected to it was full of some kind of liquid. He was confused, laying back and staring out the window. Beside him was an empty hospital bed, already made. He stared, feeling like someone was supposed to be there.

A nurse came in with a smile to see Shuichi awake. She turned outside and nodded, and a doctor followed after her. The doctor sat down beside Shuichi, an unusually calm look on his face.

"Hey.. how do you feel?" He asked.

"U-Uhm.. a little off... where.. am I..? W-What's going on..?" Shuichi looked worried.

"You're in the hospital.." the nurse added.

"Yes, you were a part of a freak accident involving a virtual reality killing game. The cops are interrogating your friends as of now..." the doctor added more medicine to the IV.

"O-Oh.." the detective felt lost, this was too much to take in all at once.

"Do you need anything sir?"

"No.. n-no thank you..."

Once they were gone Shuichi had time to himself to think. Sure he knew now it was fake... but... he couldn't wrap his head around that no matter how hard he tried. He grunted in frustration, rolling over to fall asleep again. He covered his face, begging silently to fall asleep.

Finally sleep came, and while he slept a certain someone was placed in the bed next to his. The next morning, Shuichi felt off and groggy. The bluenette was still rather drowsy, looking out the window at the bustling city below. He rolled over and nearly fell out of bed from surprise as he saw the boy in the other bed facing away from Shuichi.

He looked pale and sick, his skin a milky pale like the moon. His hair looked a dead white although there were hints of lavender as if it was dead coral turned white from stress. The covers were pulled up but by the looks of it they were in the fetal position. Shuichi stared at the sleeping boy.

"W-Who are you..?" He muttered, not expecting an answer.

"Mm.."

The detective gasped lightly, he was waking up! He didn't know why he was so anxious about this boy waking up, but when he did Shuichi saw the boy began to panic. He quickly placed his hands over his body, confused by the dilemma as Shuichi watched. He turned and looked at the bluenette and gasped, quickly ducking for cover under the blankets. It was Kokichi...

"K-Kokichi!!" He yelped, reaching over towards the blankets.

"Mmmph!!" Kokichi kept the blankets down, was he.. crying?

Shuichi sighed, knowing he'd get in trouble with the doctor for doing this. He leaned over the bed and picked up the blanket, tossing it aside. Kokichi was too weak to fight back, so now he lay exhausted in the bed staring at Shuichi.

"Y-You're alive... you're alive!!" He stared in disbelief.

Kokichi turned and hid his face in the mattress, "n-no... no..!"

Shuichi tried to grab his wrist but Kokichi flinched, "K-Kokichi I'm not going to hurt you.. I'm just as confused and distressed as you!! We just n-need to stay calm... o-okay?!"

"H-How... can.. I be.. calm?!" The purplenette cried, exhausted already.

"Because I'm right h-here..." the detective scooted closer, pulling the covers back over the boy although it was heavy for him, "you can talk to me if you want, Kokichi..."

"..."

He sighed, he figured it wouldn't be easy talking to Kokichi especially in this state. Shuichi sighed gently and grabbed a book from the bedside table, a book about dealing with PTSD... how convenient. He liked reading so he sat back and read the book, trying to leave Kokichi alone for a bit so he could collect himself.

Shuichi ended up dozing off with the book in his lap, Kokichi still wide awake trying to comprehend the situation. What was going to happen? Thoughts and possibilities raced through his mind.

"P-Please come back tomorrow..." Kokichi whispered to Shuichi, beginning to feel drowsy himself.


	2. A Little Push

It was time for their morning medication, and Kokichi really wasn't having it. Their nurse urged him to take his medicine as he'd have horrible symptoms without them.

Shuichi sighed gently, "Kokichi.. you have to take your medication or else you won't get better.." 

"What if I don't want to get better."

He looked at him, "huh?"

In the purplenette's eyes was despair and heartache. He was guilty, he didn't know what lay ahead after all he'd done. Kokichi looked very sick and weak, his arms ridden with bandages since he had to be injected with medicine every few hours. He was a broken doll, his porcelain skin practically cracked from how little he did to care for his body.

Shuichi held out his hand to him, but Kokichi didn't take it. He sighed and looked back at the books their nurse brought for him to read. He picked out a book.

"Kokichi.. would you like to read this book with me?"

"No.. thank you..." he was hesitant about taking all of his pills.

".. okay..."

He put the book down and watched him take his medicine. That was way more than what he had to take.. he was thankful for that.. but he did feel awful for the poor boy. He looked so unhealthy and weak like a napkin in an ocean.

"I just want to let you know that you can trust me... you can talk to me, okay?"

".. I don't know if I'm ready..." he murmured, "... I'm fine, Shuichi... I'm really okay right now."

"... I probably shouldn't push you but... I really really want to make things better between us... we fell apart and I feel awful for it... I want to repair our friendship, okay?"

Kokichi suddenly held onto his blanket tightly in both hands, "okay..."

Shuichi noticed the sudden movement and frowned. Beginning to reach over to him, he stopped his hand and returned it to his lap. He didn't want to push the poor boy.. he seemed like he was on the edge. Shuichi didn't want to push him too far.

"This day is... nice.. don't you think...?" He said gently to Kokichi.

"... S-Shuichi... um.. I guess so..." he looked up at the bluenette.

"... Alright..." he murmured, "can.. can I ask you a question..." Shuichi stared at him.

"S-Sure..."

"Are you okay..." the detective looked him in the eyes.

"..." Kokichi's hands trembled, "m-me? W-What are you.. saying..."

He turned in bed to face him directly, "I want to know if you're okay... I.. need to know."

The purplenette stared frantically, nibbling on the inside of his cheek. He was about to break, he could feel his heartbeat climbing. Tears arose in his eyelids from his tear ducts, he wanted to scream. Kokichi wanted to lash out and call him an idiot for asking him such a useless question. But... what was the point? Shuichi began to worry as he watched the boy's facade crumble before him. That final lie keeping him stable... the last leg he had to stand on... it was gone...

"Y-You idiot!! How d-dare you make me answer your questions!! Y-Your trivial nonsense!!" He held on, foam beginning to seeth from the corners of his mouth. "Don't you know who I am?! I'm the Ultimate Supreme Leader!! I don't have time for this!! You don't have the right to speak t-to me this way!!"

"K-Kokichi please calm down..." the detective felt tears form in his eyes, flooding his vision. He hated being yelled at.

"I-I'll knock some sense into you!!" He fought back, tears running down his face, "I'll make you suffer!!"

"Y-You—!!"

The leader's heartbeat was very fast, and suddenly he passed out, his heart rate beginning to slow down. Shuichi panicked, pressing the call button next to him repeatedly. He was worried, the poor boy had tipped over the edge just as he feared.

Their nurse arrived and swiftly did a check up on the purplenette. His legs were heavily bruised and looking purple and pink, there were bumps like there was something there underneath the skin. She pressed each one, they were stiff and full. The detective gagged, it was disgusting. But he couldn't help but watch.

"I-Is he gonna be okay...?"

"We need to do a scan and make sure they aren't tumors..." she murmured, unlocking the bed.

"W-Wait!" Shuichi urged. "Can I come with..? I.. need to know if he's okay..."

"... very well.. just be careful, okay? If you get too weak we'll get you wheeled back to your room." She smiled, pushing the bed out of the room.

The detective hurried out of bed and followed, nurses and doctors walking through the halls. He caught glimpses of his friends and other patients, he was worried for them, but right now he had to worry about Kokichi. Once they got to the room, Kokichi was placed on a table and the two stepped out of the room to take an X-ray. Shuichi nibbled on his fingernails, watching the unconscious boy.

Finally the nurse received the results and after much thought she spoke up, "well they aren't tumors.. but they're certainly not good. I'll have a doctor look these over for another opinion. In the meantime I'll give you and your friend some time to rest." She announced so casually.

"Ah.. could you move our beds a little closer together..? If possible..." Shuichi urged gently.

"Of course.."

"Thank you so much..."

Kokichi was having a not so pleasant dream...


	3. Disgusting Body

Today was when they'd get the answers. But it was also when Shuichi had to be interrogated by the Future Foundation. He sighed, watching as the purplenette beside him colored in a notebook. He watched him, the movements of his hand and how childish his drawings were.

He noticed that Kokichi dropped one of the crayons in the box. So Shuichi quickly leaned down and picked it up for him. The leader stared up at him, quiet. He had tubes in his nose since his breathing wasn't the best. He looked down at the crayon, it was indigo.

"T.. Thank you..."

"You're welcome, Kokichi..." Shuichi smiled, patting his head.

A woman with lavender hair stepped into the room, sitting in a chair beside Shuichi's bed. She had cold, almost empty eyes, like she'd seen things nobody should see. The detective shifted uncomfortably, staring at the woman.

"Good afternoon, Saihara Shuichi. Are you recovering well?" She asked.

"Y-Yeah... I am..." he lied, he was a bit awkward.

"My name is detective Kirigiri, I work with the TCPD and the Future Foundation." She held out her hand.

The detective hesitantly grabbed her hand and shook it, "n-nice to meet you..."

"I came to ask you some questions about the game... but before that. Nurse?" She snapped her fingers.

A nurse came in and helped Kokichi into a wheelchair. He was confused and startled, looking at Shuichi as if asking for help. The bluenette stared back, whipping his head around to look back at Kirigiri.

"W-What are they gonna do with him..." Shuichi murmured urgently.

"Relax, they're running tests. It's mandatory." She paused, "now, tell me more about this game..."

"The game...? I wouldn't call it that at all... it's a sick.. twisted nightmare... it was inhuman... it stripped humanity from us all!! We are dying... because of the sick people behind this!! I don't know why you would call it a game after everything we'd been through... you watched it all didn't you!! I read about you... I bet you watched our suffering.. every moment of it!!" He glared at the woman.

"I understand your pain, Shuichi.. I was a part of a killing game myself."

"Y-You.. you were...?" Shuichi stared at her.

"Yes.. I lost people dear to me.. sadly they aren't alive like your friends are.." she sighed, "they took away everything, even the woman I loved. However I've gotten over her death and am now in a happy marriage... you need to understand you must move on eventually if you are to heal."

"... y-you.. I don't know how... all of my friends... even.. even Kokichi... I don't know how I'll ever move on..."

"That's alright... shall I give you more time to recover?"

"Yes... please..." Shuichi looked down shyly.

As Kirigiri left, the bluenette began to grow anxious. He bit his nails as he watched the doorway, waiting for Kokichi to come back. Truth be told he found comfort in at least someone being there. Even if it was Kokichi.

Finally he gasped as Kokichi was brought back into the room. He looked very sick as doctors and nurses crowded around his bed injecting medicine and having him take pills, the purplenette was overwhelmed by it all, and ended up throwing up multiple times.

The detective covered his mouth as the smell was too much to bear. As the boy threw up he sounded like he was in immense pain... Shuichi rolled over on his side and sobbed as the nurses took him out of the room to clean him up. He cried out loud, sniffling.

"Shuichi...?"

He turned around to see Kaede standing there. He cried harder, trying to stop, but seeing her just made him go soft. He opened his arms as she drew closer, holding him and rubbing his back gently. Kaede was always like a big sister to Shuichi.

"Are you okay..? I heard crying.." she whispered.

"I can't take it, Kaede.. hearing Kokichi in pain like this I-I.. it's too much!! I feel so bad and I want to help him but I can't... a-and I don't have my binder and I've been trying to suppress this dysphoria but I'm drowning in it all and I'm so so tired!!"

"Oh.. Shuichi it's okay.. hey! Why don't we ask the future foundation to pay for your top surgery! I'm sure they'd help cuz they're so sweet.." Kaede smiled at him.

"A-Ah..." he sniffled, "m-maybe I should... I really can't take this anymore..."

"It's gonna be okay.. I'm here for you always!"

The pianist left, and finally Shuichi was alone again. But it was soon interrupted by Kokichi's return. He was passed out and when the nurse left, Shuichi admired how peaceful Kokichi looked. He leaned over the bed and placed his hand on the leader's head, tucking his fingers into his hair. The detective brushed through it, relaxing as Kokichi seemed to lean into his hand.

What a weird boy...


	4. Mysterious Feeling

Today Shuichi would receive his top surgery. The future foundation agreed to pay for it and he was beyond elated. The bluenette looked to Kokichi, who wasn't doing so well. Kokichi had a mysterious illness, making him weak and unable to move much without suffering from immense pain.

He frowned guiltily, "hey Kokichi.. I'm going in for surgery today..." he gave a little smile.

"T-That's great! I hope you feel better afterwards..." he murmured woefully, he was in too much pain to be able to lie.

"I hope you feel better too..." he whispered, placing a hand on the purplenette's cheek which was damp from tears.

Kokichi blushed thoughtfully, "a-ahm..."

"Oh-!" Shuichi pulled his hand away, returning it to his side, "I'm so sorry... my apologies..."

He bowed slightly, his hospital gown drooping. A nurse soon escorted Shuichi to one of the surgery rooms, leaving Kokichi alone.

He whimpered, mind racing. Kokichi gripped the blankets tightly, feeling his body burn like he'd been tossed in a fire. He wanted to move, he needed to. But he couldn't, he was weak and tired. The purplenette shut those feelings away and decided to think about something a little nicer. He wanted his beloved's arms wrapped around him, pulling him close and kissing his forehead while they cuddled lovingly and helplessly.

"Shumai..." that word slipped from his lips, and he became flustered. He thought he'd gotten over Shuichi... so what was this feeling?

His mind spun until he passed out, which happened often, and after 5 hours Shuichi had returned to his bed sleeping soundly after his top surgery. Kokichi opened his eyes and saw him, safe and sound.

"Shumai...." he yawned, his vision blurry.

The leader was so dissociated and focused on Shuichi he couldn't feel the doctors taking him away to the emergency operation room. He couldn't feel the blood oozing from his body or the rotting flesh falling off of his legs. As Shuichi got farther away, Kokichi began to realize that the detective could never love someone like him. Thinking about it more he realized he was still helplessly, madly in love with Shuichi. His eyes drifted shut, and he was alone again.

"Nn..." Shuichi woke up slowly, feeling dizzy and disoriented. A nurse sat beside him.

"Morning Mr Saihara... how do you feel?"

"M.. mister..." he looked down at himself, at his flat bandaged chest, "o-oh my god..." his eyes filled with tears as he covered his mouth.

"Yeah, the surgery was a success!" She said gently.

"I-I'm a boy.. I'm a boy..." he repeated happily, tears running down his face.

"Yeah.. you've always been a boy.."

Shuichi laid down, laughing happily and quietly. He held himself, dazed from the drugs he received to sooth the pain. Tears ran down his face like waterfalls. He'd waited for this his whole life...

Hours later the effects wore off and finally he realized Kokichi was gone. A doctor was currently checking on him, so he decided he'd ask her.

"Where's Kokichi?" His head tilted to the side.

"He's in the operation room currently." She said without skipping a beat.

"Why..? What happened?!" Shuichi frowned sternly.

"He.. well his body isn't in the best of shape as of late. So the surgeons are doing the best they can to fix it."

"Fix...? Fix what..?"

"He has a deadly mysterious infection and it's rotted his legs and is moving up his body. That as well as his stitches popping and his body rejecting the new organs we implanted..."

"N-New organs?!" Shuichi whined.

"Yes, nearly everything had to be replaced."

Shuichi bit his tongue, worrying immensely for the boy. Why did he feel like this? Kokichi was just... Kokichi. What was this new feeling... he didn't understand.

He decided he'd clear his head and went to talk to his friends, Kaede, Maki, Kaito, and Rantaro. They were all doing better despite long term injuries and scars. While Shuichi worried about them, they seemed oddly chipper. Even Maki was a lot happier with Kaito by her side. He was confused, everyone was moving on happily but... he couldn't seem to shake the past. Perhaps they're just hiding what they're feeling inside...


	5. Worrisome Boy

Kokichi had been gone for 2 days. Hopefully he'd be back today. But Shuichi could only hope. Finally he heard something, wheels rolling. Could it be?!

But no, it was just another bed rolling away in the hallway. He sighed, why was he even waiting so anxiously? It's only Kokichi. Why does he care so much? After all he did... why does he care so much. Shuichi's attention turned to the door as Kokichi was brought in wrapped in a blanket by a nurse.

"Kokichi..." he murmured.

"Oh, were you worried about him?" The nurse tilted his head.

"... I-I guess a little bit..."

"Oh.. sorry."

The nurse hooked machinery up to Kokichi's body and left, leaving the detective alone with the boy. He looked terribly sick and weak, oxygen being pushed into his mouth. Shuichi frowned, leaning over and holding his hand gently, massaging Kokichi's knuckles with his thumb. He felt terrible.

His face looked pale as the moon. Kokichi's mouth was parted only slightly, showing off two of his teeth only a little. His lips were chapped and pale. The purplenette had deep bags under his eyes and his veins were visible through the skin. He shuttered a breath, his chest rising shakily. Kokichi was tucked in tightly so he couldn't move, although his arms were visible. On his arms were very faint scars and reddened spots from where he was injected with medicine. His hair looked tangled and greasy.

The detective sighed worriedly, trying to comfort the sickened unconscious leader. He didn't know what to do, the poor thing was suffering. Shuichi got sickening thoughts, soon dropping Kokichi's hand and turning over in bed. He felt terrible... how could he think about doing something like that?! It was maniacal... it was unhealthy... it was.. bloodthirsty. He covered his face in anguish, trying to escape those horrible thoughts.

Finally he got an idea, and left the hospital bed, trudging out in slippers and his hospital gown. Shuichi looked around and went into Kaito and Maki's room, seeing they were awake.

"Hey Maki.. hey Kaito..." the bluenette whispered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hey Shuichi! Come to chat?" Kaito smiled at him welcomingly.

"A-Ah.. yeah..." he sat down next to them.

Maki gave a little smile, "you look a lot better.. but you seem worried. You okay?"

"Y-Yeah I'm okay—!" Shuichi looked back up at the two who were skeptical.

"Shuichi!!" Kaito grabbed his shoulder, "you aren't any less of a man for telling your friends what's wrong! We're gonna listen to you no matter what, you're my sidekick Shuichi! Your problems are my problems and your worries are my worries too!"

The detective felt his cheeks flush red, he forgot how comfortable he felt in Kaito's presence. Though he was a bit... over the top... Shuichi definitely felt safe around him.

"U-Um.. I'm quite worried about Kokichi... a-and I... have been having these thoughts..." he fidgeted with his fingers.

"Like.. what kind of thoughts?" The purplenette narrowed his eyes, suspicious.

"T-To.... hurt.. him....." Shuichi had trouble getting the words out, covering his mouth as tears erupted from his eyes.

"You don't want to hurt him do you.." Maki spoke up, combing her fingers through her soft brown hair.

"No! I'd never want to hurt him! But I keep getting these thoughts and I want them to stop... I want them to go away!!" The bluenette sobbed into his hand.

Kaito grabbed Shuichi's hand comfortingly, "hey! Shuichi! Hey.. calm down alright? Just take a couple deep breaths..."

The detective did as he was told and relaxed, "I'm sorry.."

"Don't apologize.. you don't have to be sorry for this." The brunette said thoughtfully, "it's normal to react this way."

"How do I make them stop... there has to be a way!!" He cried, begging Kaito and Maki.

"S-Shuichi I don't know how I'm sorry.."

The bluenette whimpered hopelessly and hugged both of his friends, leaving the hospital room and retreating back to his bed. The purplenette was waking up now. As Shuichi looked over he saw those big eyes slowly open. They were still different colors. Kokichi looked dazed and tired, shifting in bed and sitting up.

"Mmnggh.." he murmured, yawning.

"Kokichi.. you're awake! Are you okay?!" The bluenette hesitated as he held his hand over to him.

"Hnn!!" He winced, reaching to grab his legs, but... his hands pressed down on the blanket and all he felt as the mattress underneath. "..."

"K-Kokichi...?" The bluenette stood up and tried to pat his shoulder.

Kokichi flinched, looking up at him, "h-hng?!"

"S-Sorry—!" Shuichi stepped back.

The leader took a moment to calm down, fidgeting with his fingers. The bluenette watched him, he was terribly worried for him. Kokichi grabbed the blankets and slowly lifted them off of his body. At his thighs, his legs just stopped. They were bandaged, blood soaking through. Just two bandaged stubs where his legs used to be.

Kokichi's legs were gone.


	6. Closer Than Close

The bluenette stared, confused. Kokichi's legs were just... gone. How were they gone?! Shuichi looked at the panicked boy, grabbing his shoulders so he'd look him in the eyes.

"Hey! K-Kokichi.. hey.. it's okay... don't focus on that just focus on me okay?" He spoke softly as he pulled the blankets back over his body.

"S-Shuichi—!!" Kokichi whimpered. "M-My... my.."

"Shh sh sh sh..." the detective held him to his chest, rubbing the back of his head gently.

"Hic... ugh..." he closed his eyes, leaning against Shuichi willfully.

Shuichi continued to hold him, gliding his hand against his back gently and soothingly. His cheeks flushed pink as he felt the purplenette relax under his hands. He leaned closer to the detective in almost a desperate manner. He let Kokichi cry into his hospital gown gently, sniffling and sobbing uggily.

"That's it.. do you feel better now?" He said patiently.

"Uhuh... hic..." Kokichi backed away from him hesitantly.

Shuichi smiled, sitting back in bed. He started to think, watching the leader fidget and examine his bandaged thighs. He was a mystery. There was so much to find out, and maybe Kokichi has brought down his facade for the detective to step in and figure him out. He smiled, he finally found a good distraction from the traumas of the killing game. That distraction was his mystery, his puzzle, his Kokichi.

"Would you like to play a game?" Shuichi smiled. "I know you love them..."

He scoffed, "everyone likes games, Shuichi... but sure." Kokichi turned in bed to face him, "what kind of game?"

"How about.. Rock Paper Scissors."

"Really? Again?" The purplenette smiled at him.

"Yeah c'mon!" Shuichi held out his hand.

After a few games of Rock Paper Scissors, he began to see the childish smile return to Kokichi's face. They tied every time as they did the last time. Kokichi was elated to play games again, giggling like a happy child. The detective smiled, staring longingly into those vibrant eyes. Suddenly he snapped out of his trance, what was this feeling? He didn't understand, so he pushed it aside.

"Hey Shuichi!"

"Mhm?" He looked at the leader.

"Thank you for today.. I haven't had this much fun in a long time.. honest." Kokichi gave a warm smile, not a sneer, but the kind of smile that two lovers would give as a small 'I love you' while staring longingly at each other.

"Ah.. it was nothing." The bluenette shifted his gaze away, his cheeks becoming warm with blush.

"Really.. I.. thank you." He looked like he would've said something else, however Shuichi decided not to dwell on that.

Finally the sun was settling below the trees as the sky turned a cherry pink. Kokichi was noticeably tired, however he tried to hide it while they played more games.

"You should rest.. it's getting late and well.. your legs..." Shuichi pointed out gently.

"Awwww but I don't wanna! I wanna stay up and play more games!" The purplenette pouted.

"Please? It's important that you rest."

"You can't make me or I'll kill you for realsies this time!!" He seemed desperate.

Shuichi sighed, knowing Kokichi would never hurt him, "I just want you to get better..."

Kokichi looked away, letting out a huff in defeat, "fine... whatever... pass me my medicine."

The detective opened the drawer and gave Kokichi his medicine for the night. He laid down while the leader took his meds, tucking himself in and falling asleep rather quickly. The purplenette looked at him, humming softly as he laid down. His eyes drifted shut although he didn't want him to, and he lay wait in the land of unconsciousness.

Hours later, Shuichi found himself awoken by Kokichi's terrified screams. He whipped his head around to see him squirming as a few nurses all tried to calm him down. There was a popping sound and more screaming.

"H-His stitches popped.."

"Come on we have to get him to emergency care!!"

"W-Wait what's happening??!" Shuichi cried out worriedly.

They ignored him, "he's having a heart attack.. quickly!!"

It seemed like seconds before Shuichi was alone again. The bluenette looked down at his lap. He twitched, scratching his arm. Finally he decided. Shuichi stepped out of bed and moved the bedside table separating the two beds off to the side, pushing their beds together. He wanted to be close to Kokichi.. he didn't know why but he wanted to. As close as he could.


	7. Rest for the Restless

It'd been 4 days and Kokichi hadn't woken up. He was sound asleep in bed beside Shuichi, being held and protected. The bluenette ran a hand through his hair the best he could, Kokichi's hair was really tangled and messy. However Shuichi dealt with it, petting his hair and awaiting his awakening.

Finally the purplenette stirred in his arms, stretching as he clung to the detective. Shuichi felt his cheeks flush cherry pink. Kokichi was so adorable this way.. asleep in his arms, clinging to him ever so delicately.

"You.. why are you so deceiving..."

The bluenette sighed, continuing to let the boy sleep against him. He was confused by how.. angelic and cute.. Kokichi looked. Despite him being a total jerk during the game. Was this the real Kokichi Ouma? Maybe, maybe not. Or maybe it was just the little features and flaws that made him human that was cute to Shuichi. He pushed it aside, he decided he shouldn't think about another boy that way. Then let go of Kokichi so he could rest.

The leader stirred in bed once again, stretching as he opened his eyes with a little hum. Kokichi realized their beds were together and blushed ever so thoughtfully. He huffed, convincing himself Shuichi would never love him, and turned over.

There were footsteps outside, ones that didn't sound like the nurses or doctors. That gave the purplenette a sense of safety, yet tenseness, as he didn't know who was coming. Suddenly a tall boy with long green hair entered the room looking at Kokichi with warm red eyes. They were welcoming... peaceful... and happy to see him.

"G... Gonta...?" Kokichi whispered squeakily, hiding his damaged legs under the blankets.

Shuichi turned over, "hm?"

The greenette giggled thoughtfully, "morning, Kokichi.. Gonta missed you."

"G-GONTA!!"

Gonta picked up the smaller boy and held him tightly, Kokichi returning the hug with just as much want. He cried into his shoulder, mumbling apologies that were hard to understand. However the larger boy only hushed him with a smile.

"Gonta don't want Kokichi to apologize..."

"B-But.. but.. you died because of me you big idiot!! Why won't you let me take the blame?!" He cried furiously.

"Because Gonta was happy to sacrifice himself for a friend! That you, Kokichi... you're Gonta's bestest friend."

"Hic.. gh.. y-you.. you idiot...." Kokichi gave a smile and held on tight.

Shuichi grinned, watching as the two talked softly to each other. He was glad Kokichi was coming out of his shell a bit more. Finally seeing as Kokichi talked to Gonta for the first time in a month. Once Gonta left, the purplenette looked a lot better. He was smiling.. he was really smiling.

"Kokichi.. are you alright? You've never smiled this much before!" Shuichi chuckled.

"I feel.. nice... yeah.. I really feel good right now." He laid back in bed, smiling to himself.

"Would you like to read a book together now?"

"Yeah.. what kind of books?" He leaned over to see the stack of books Shuichi had next to him.

"Well there's this book.." Shuichi showed him a fairy tale about a prince and a princess.

"Next..." Kokichi rolled his eyes.

"Oookay.. how about this?" The bluenette held up a mystery novel.

"Perfect!"

They sat very close together, each holding one end of the book as they read through it together. Both made subtle movements, pining for each other unknowingly. Shuichi glanced at the purplenette, he wanted to hold him, he didn't know why. Kokichi just wanted Shuichi to be his lover, to kiss him and tell him everything will be okay. He leaned to the side and rested his head on his shoulder.

Shuichi moved, "what are you doing?"

"Ah.. nothing.. I..." he sat up, worried and embarrassed.

"..."

The bluenette placed a hand on Kokichi's head resting it back on his shoulder. He looked up at Shuichi, eyes glistening from sudden tears. He didn't know how to react, this was... nice. He decided, fuck it, and grabbed onto Shuichi. The book fell out of their laps as he climbed onto him and cuddled him, clung to him ever so needily.

Shuichi stared blankly, surprised as Kokichi hid his face in the detective's chest. He relaxed, holding the leader as well. He laid back and watched him hum needily against him. Kokichi closed his eyes, his cheeks flushed warm with love and want. He sighed, petting the purplenette's soft yet knotted hair.

"Fine.. I guess we can hug for a while..." he whispered softly in his ear, his face red and hot as the other boy laid against him so desperately.


	8. Lost in the Window

Finally it was time for Shuichi to be discharged from the hospital. However, the purplenette he roomed with couldn't leave yet.. he was still very sick and needed time to heal. It was his last day and he was alone with the smaller boy.

Kokichi looked at the detective hurriedly, he didn't want him to leave. He wanted him here with him by his side to stay. The purplenette lifted a shaky hand and gripped Shuichi's hand desperately. His bottom lip stuck out slightly, red patches on it from how often the boy chewed the skin off of his lip.

"Hey.. relax Kokichi.. I won't be gone forever..." Shuichi whispered with a smile, he'd already changed into some new clothes.

"... but.. I don't want you to go..."

The bluenette chuckled, "you really are a mystery to me..." he cupped his face in his hands, "maybe we'll be neighbors.. then we can hang out all the time.

"S-Shum—... Shuichi...!" He whimpered a sigh, looking down at the blankets, "alright..."

"Hey, cheer up... hey, let's have fun together." The detective patted his head, "I know you like to draw.. why don't we draw together?"

Kokichi sighed softly and nodded, taking out the notebook he was given. He held in between the two boys and set the crayon box aside. Shuichi smiled as he grabbed a green crayon, beginning to draw a flower. The leader watched, slowly dragging a blue crayon across the paper to make lazy ocean waves.

"What're you drawing?"

"A lake.." Kokichi murmured quietly.

"Oh.. I'm drawing a flower..." he paused, "hey, what else have you drawn?"

".. o-oh, nothing of importance."

"Ah.."

He sighed, taking the notebook back and hiding the drawings and doodles he did of Shuichi. He yearned for him... though he was pathetically devoid of worth.

Finally it was time for Shuichi to go, he'd finished signing the paperwork and was saying goodbye to everyone. The purplenette watched him, shutting the door before the detective had a chance to come in and say goodbye. Kokichi buried himself in the blankets helplessly, alone in his dark hospital room.

Shuichi sighed at the shut door, assuming the boy didn't want to see him. He was the last one he had to say goodbye to, so he left the hospital with Maki and Himiko. Who had also been discharged that night. They got in their cars lent to them by the Future Foundation, Kokichi upstairs watching them through the window.

Two days went by, and Shuichi was going to visit Kokichi. He sighed, however by the time he got there he saw the lone leader sitting on the window sill, the chill breeze of the night air retreating into the room. He let a gasp slip through his lips, running to him and grabbing his shoulder.

"Kokichi what are you doing?!" He said urgently.

"..." Kokichi looked to him, tears flooding his eyes and spilling out, "hic.... Shu... ichi..." he shut his eyes, trying to scoot farther away from Shuichi, off the sill.

"Kokichi no!! Stop!" Shuichi pulled him away from the window and shut it, holding him tightly so he couldn't escape. "W-Why?!"

"..."

The purplenette gripped the taller boy's clothes and clung to him, sniffling and sobbing loudly into him. Shuichi frowned and sat down in a chair, comforting the poor boy. As the boy calmed down, he lifted him away from his chest so he could speak.

"... w.. what am I s-supposed to do.. without you...?" He cried gently, "S-Shuichi... I can't do this... after everything I've done... I'm a monster.. I don't deserve to heal with everyone else after everything I did!! Y-You agree don't you...? You're.. always r-right..." he relaxed against Shuichi, waiting for his answer.

"... 'Kichi..." Shuichi frowned sadly, brushing some hair away from the smaller boy's face gently, watching as he leaned into his hand. "You're wrong..."

"W-What...?"

"I said you're wrong. You can do this.. you aren't a monster, Kokichi... you were scared. We all do terrible things when we're scared.. or frustrated.. you're strong, Kokichi. You're so strong. I could never do what you do.. you saved us... we couldn't have found the mastermind without you, Kokichi..." the detective gave a warm smile. "You made mistakes.. it's okay... everyone makes mistakes okay? So please... don't do that ever again..." he whispered softly, holding the boy closer.

"..." Kokichi leaned closer to him, smiling, "Saihara-Chan..." he closed his eyes.

"... would you like to stay with me when you're ready to leave here...? We can be roommates.." he blushed, speaking just above a whisper.

"... us.. living together.. yeah... I-I'd really like that..." Kokichi grinned at him.

He blushed, he'd never had a roommate before. Let alone someone like Kokichi. But he deserved it after what he'd been through... sure, Kokichi was strong... but he couldn't possibly go through this alone. Neither could Shuichi.

After a while of silent hugging, the bluenette was ready to go. He waved to the leader who was back in bed, however Kokichi quickly interrupted.

"S-Saihara-Chan wait.." he announced hurriedly, holding out his hand to stop Shuichi.

"Hm? Yeah Kokichi?" Shuichi turned to him with a gentle smile.

"..." he felt his cheeks get red hot, blushing, he recoiled his hand back to his lap, "I lo... erhm.. thank you for tonight, Saihara-Chan... you're my best friend..." Kokichi smiled back at him.

"... alright.. goodbye, Kokichi.. you're welcome." Shuichi once again left, leaving Kokichi alone in the dark.


	9. Hands in my Hair

It'd been a month and Kokichi was the last one in the hospital to be discharged. Doctors were discussing whether or not the purplenette could go home that night. Shuichi was with him, the two were giggling together, telling jokes and reminiscing on the happy times they spent during the killing game.

"You were such a dork with that hat.." Kokichi sneered.

"I was not.." he smiled, his cheeks flushing.

"Awe yes you were! My sweet dork!"

Shuichi chuckled, "I hope they let you go tonight.. you really need a bath." He ruffled his hair.

"Awe.. hey!" He pouted, "hm.. I hope they let me go too.. I don't like being alone for so long."

"Yeah.. and I'll have to take care of you since you don't have your prosthetics yet.." the detective cupped his hand around Kokichi's cheek.

"Alright..."

Finally a doctor came in. Shuichi let go of Kokichi and sat up straight. He looked up at the tall doctor, who was looking over some notes on a clipboard. She looked down at the two boys happily.

"Great news. Mr. Ouma will be able to go home today.. unfortunately we do not have any extra clothes in his size. I hope that's alright."

Kokichi nodded, "thank you! Thank you so much!" He teared up, grabbing Shuichi's hand.

The detective moved his hand away, "alright.. I'll take him home with me then?"

"Mhm. Just take this with you. Take one of each of these pills every morning and before bed okay? It's very important."

"Alright I promise!"

"Perfect.. have a nice night!"

Once the doctor left, Shuichi helped the smaller boy into a wheelchair they let them use. He pushed him out of the room, stepping onto an elevator with Kokichi. He frowned, looking up at Shuichi for a moment before returning his gaze to his lap.

The bluenette pushed the wheelchair out and to his car, the leader sitting quite sadly as Shuichi got his car door open. He picked Kokichi up and placed him in the passenger seat. He looked up at Shuichi, eyes wide and sad like a begging puppy. He smiled softly at the purplenette and hugged him for a moment before putting the wheelchair in the back seat. Then soon they were on the road going back to Shuichi's apartment.

Shuichi decided just to carry Kokichi to his apartment and to the guest bedroom that would become Kokichi's room. He smiled, laying the purplenette down in bed and tucking him in. Kokichi looked away, fidgeting.

"There.. I hope you're comfortable because I'm going to be taking care of you... you'll be staying in bed for a while.. you really do need rest and I want you to get better." He smiled at him.

"Uh.. t-thank you... but I need a bath."

"Oh-! Um.. do you need help—? I-I mean um..." he blushed, looking away.

"You can carry me there.. uh..." he blushed as well, covering his mouth. The purplenette wanted Shuichi to help him.. he wanted so many things that were impossible.

"R-Right.."

Shuichi carried Kokichi to the bathroom and set him down on the floor. Soon he left and the leader was left alone to take a bath. However he realized that he was having a hard time brushing through his knotted white hair, grunting in frustration, he kept trying. Suddenly Kokichi got a flashback to his past and gasped sharply, dropping the brush in the tub as he started to hyperventilate.

Shuichi knocked on the door soon after, "Kokichi are you okay?! I have clothes for you to wear when you're done!"

"I-I'm.... fine...!!" He uttered urgently.

"..." he entered the bathroom, covering his eyes. "A-Ahm... I.. uh..." he rested the clothes down where Kokichi could reach and caught a glimpse of his hair, "ah! Your hair.. i-it's so.. knotted... do you need help..?"

"..." Kokichi nodded hesitantly.

"Alright..." Shuichi got down on his knees as he turned so that Shuichi could wash the boy's hair.

The bluenette dumped a pitcher into the water and then poured it onto the boy's head. Kokichi flinched, rubbing his eyes. He murmured an apology to the leader as he got the shampoo. Shuichi got some on his hands and began massaging it into Kokichi's hair. The purplenette's eyes widened, he'd never had his hair washed by someone else before. Not since he was just a kid. So he closed his eyes gently, leaning into the bluenette's hands needily. Shuichi noticed and became flustered, pouring more water on Kokichi's head to rinse out the shampoo.

"Have you never had your hair washed by someone?" He asked calmly.

"No.. not for a.. a long time..." Kokichi mumbled, still leaning into Shuichi's hands as he worked on the conditioner.

"It feels nice doesn't it.." the detective looked over at his face.

"Yeah.. i-it does..."

The detective frowned, pushing away thoughts in his brain. He didn't want to feel that way about another boy... especially Kokichi. He looked down at the leader and finished washing his hair, leaving the bathroom for Kokichi to finish up. Shuichi leaned against the wall contemplating his feelings.. maybe he would talk to Kaede about them. But not right now. Kokichi needed his help.

"Shuichi! Can you carry me back to bed?!" Kokichi announced, sounding exhausted.

"O-Oh! Coming!"

The bluenette came inside, seeing Kokichi sitting on the floor in clothes that didn't fit him. He blushed, picking him up and taking him to bed. Shuichi tucked him in neatly, moving some hair out of Kokichi's face. He stepped back, admiring him as he fell asleep. Shuichi shook his head and left the bedroom, unsure of what he was supposed to do about his feelings.


	10. Just One Bite

There was soon an obvious routine every day. Shuichi came in tiredly with a first aid kit, sitting at the foot of the bed as the purplenette moved the covers out of the way. The detective slowly and carefully removed the bandages on Kokichi's legs. The stitches were swelling and bleeding, so he grabbed two ice packs and a gauze pad for each, pressing them against his legs. Kokichi watched tiredly. He hadn't been getting much sleep as he was too afraid to.

Soon Shuichi bandaged his legs again, "there, that better?"

"Mhm..." Kokichi opened his arms.

"Awe.." the bluenette held him, rubbing his back, "hm.. I can feel your spine, Kokichi.."

"Oh.."

Kokichi never ate much, he didn't trust the food prepared unless he made it himself or knew for a fact it wasn't poisoned. Besides, it wouldn't matter since he couldn't exactly taste things that weren't spicy or sweet. Strong flavors were all he could really taste, he'd gotten used to it since it began in his early childhood. However, the fact he didn't eat much worried Shuichi. The poor thing was starved and wouldn't take any food he gave him.

"Hey.. I really want you to eat some more, okay? I um.. I worry about you... a lot..." Shuichi's cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed to be saying that for reasons he couldn't interpret.

"Oh.. that's nice..." he seemed to dissociate, staring off into space.

"K-Kokichi listen I'm serious!" He grabbed his shoulders, "I want you to get better... I really do... I care about you..."

"..." Kokichi flinched, not expecting him to say that. "You.. care... about.. me? Me?"

The detective nodded, letting go of him and staring at him in the eyes. Kokichi began to cry, yanking Shuichi into a tight hug. He was startled at first, not really used to Kokichi showing... real emotion. But he slowly relaxed and held him back, cradling his head and running his fingers through his soft white hair.

"I.. do care... I care about you a lot, Kokichi..." he whispered, words tumbling from his mouth as he thought them, "you mean so much to me.. okay? I don't want to see you hurting.. I want you to trust me...! Because.. I don't want you to die again..." Shuichi held him tighter, "I can't lose you again..."

"Saihara... Chan..." Kokichi closed his eyes and leaned closer, clinging to him needily.

"Mmp.. 'Kichi.. what do you want to eat?"

"Uh.. s-something simple.. maybe just toast..." he mumbled, "a-and could you cut the crust off?"

The detective chuckled, "alright.. but you gotta let go of me first."

After some time the purplenette finally let go. Then Shuichi left, and all was quiet. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off. When suddenly the world around Kokichi warped and changed. He started to panic, seeing that he was back on the hydraulic press. It was coming down. The purplenette turned to move, crying and screaming in fear.

"No!! I don't want to go again! I don't want to die!! Someone please please help! Help me!" He cried pitifully.

"..Koki..chi?" He heard Shuichi somewhere but didn't see him.

"Someone please help!! I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!!" He felt stuck, like he couldn't move.

"KOKICHI!"

Finally the vision ended, the episode, the experience. And he was back in bed with Shuichi holding him down. He looked worried, his eyes watery. Kokichi stared at him, calming down. He was safe... he was safe here with the detective he loved so dearly.

"Kokichi are you oka—"

The leader hugged him tightly, clinging to the fabric of his shirt and burying his face in his chest. Kokichi sobbed quietly into him, desperate to keep the bluenette here by his side. Shuichi shut his eyes and held him tight, almost afraid he might break the smaller boy's body. He was so fragile and meek, and yet he was so strong to make it this far.

"Shuichi..." he whispered.

"Hm?" The detective looked at him.

"No.. I just really wanted to say your name..."

Shuichi blushed and let go of him, offering the toast he made. Kokichi accepted it and ate slowly, unsure. The detective felt wrong inside, he shouldn't feel this kind of intimacy with another boy. It was wrong to him, his parents always said. But at the same time he felt.. right.. when he was with Kokichi. He became frustrated with his thoughts and left in a hurry, ignoring the purplenette's cries of protest begging him to stay.

Tomorrow is another day, right?


	11. Dearest Loverboy

The detective sighed, the two boys hadn't talked to each other in a week. He could tell the leader was suffering, however the thoughts in his mind kept him from Kokichi. Now he was watching as Kokichi laid in bed crying. He felt awful, he wanted to grab the purplenette and hold him tightly in his arms. But he wasn't allowed to feel this way about another boy. His parents would freak out, and it's wrong. Shuichi grunted in frustration, grabbing onto his hair.

Shuichi sat down in the living room, covering his eyes as tears welled in his eyes. He cried softly, he felt awful. He mumbled Kokichi's name pitifully, apologizing as his sobbing became louder. He stopped suddenly as his mind was made up. Who cares what his no good neglectful parents think? He wanted to separate himself from them anyways. So he dried his tears and ran to Kokichi's room.

"Kokichi!!" He shouted passionately, watching as the boy turned around to look at him quickly.

"Hn?!?" Kokichi stared, tears running down his pale face.

Shuichi grabbed him into a hug, "I-I.. I'm sorry I've been so distant from you... I wasn't thinking about.. well, you... I know how you hate being alone. But I'm here now okay? I'm here for you.."

"S-Silly.. detective..." the purplenette pulled him closer, sitting him down in bed next to him.

"Hey.. you wanna watch a movie?" The detective moved some hair out of Kokichi's face.

Kokichi nodded quietly, leaning into his body. Shuichi smiled shyly and turned on the tv that was in the room. He put on a movie, one he thought the smaller boy would enjoy. However Kokichi focused on the detective.

Kokichi moved his hand into the bluenette's. He leaned on him, closing his eyes. Shuichi glanced at him and smiled, squeezing his hand gently.

"I love you..." Kokichi mumbled.

"Huh?" The detective looked at him, surprised.

"I-I.. I love you. There I said it!" The leader looked away, letting go of his hand. "I'm in love with you..."

"..."

"..." Kokichi looked down, regret in his eyes.

"K-Kokichi I..."

"No.. I-I get it..." he smiled at him pitifully, "you wouldn't want to be seen with me.. right? I'm disgusting aren't I.. in love with you... another boy. Besides, how could I deserve a perfect boy like you when I'm... me..." Kokichi sighed, "I should leave, right? I'm such a bother to you aren't I..."

"No.. 'K-Kichi..." Shuichi cupped his face in his hands, "you're not bothering me I swear.. a-and.. you aren't wrong for being in love... I-I..." he paused, unsure of what to say, "K-Kokichi..."

"..." the purplenette leaned closer, "S-Shumai.."

"We can try.. okay..? We'll try.. for you... I-I don't care what my parents think anymore.. I love you.." he rested his forehead against Kokichi's.

After saying that, he felt his cheeks flush red. He didn't even think before he said that. Shuichi blushed, did he really feel that way? Through more thought, he realized he did. He had just pushed those thoughts away. Shuichi smiled at the purplenette, just moving a stray strand of hair out of Kokichi's face.

"I've been waiting for this moment forever..." Kokichi murmured softly, tears in his eyes.

"You don't need to wait anymore..."

The detective moved over, pinning the smaller boy underneath him. He smiled softly, leaning down and kissed his scarred lips gently. Kokichi tilted his head to the side, wrapping his arms around the bluenette's neck. The kiss was tender, gentle. When Shuichi pulled away, he sat up. The purplenette was pulled into his lap, his cheeks flushed red and warm. His eyes watered as he leaned into his body and cuddled him.

"Were you always this needy...?" He whispered.

"Mhm.." Kokichi paused, "you just didn't really know me well enough before..."

"Yeah.. you were a real mystery. You were my puzzle.. I thought of you a lot... many times... your little lies and tricks." The bluenette pet his hair gently, "you were so intriguing.. I kept coming back to you.."

"It's my way of flirting I guess.. I really didn't want you to go... so I found a way for you to keep coming back to me. I desperately wanted to open up to you, but I couldn't tell if you were trustworthy..." Kokichi smiled, "now I do.. I trust you..."

"Oh Koki.." he grinned, kissing his cheek gently.

The taller boy kissed the leader's face all over. Kokichi wasn't used to all this affection, but he loved it all. Kokichi smiled and pulled Shuichi closer, cuddling him. Shuichi chuckled, running his hand through Kokichi's hair. He nuzzled him a little, holding onto the bluenette. The detective laid back, holding his boyfriend next to him. He kissed his forehead gently. When he fell asleep, Shuichi moved back. He got out of Kokichi's bed, patting his head and leaving back to his own room.


	12. Truce Between Siblings

It was a slow night, Kaito and Maki were visiting Shuichi. So Kokichi had to stay upstairs. It wasn't like the purplenette was forced to, he didn't want to see them. He hadn't seen or spoken to anyone other than Shuichi or Gonta since he'd woken up. While the detective urged Kokichi to see the others, Kokichi felt too guilty.. the wound was still raw.

"What do I do..." he whispered.

"Bossuuuu!~ you in here?" A girl with blonde pigtails skipped into the room.

"S-Sesuko..? B-But I took my medicine!! H-How—"

"Kokichi you didn't take all of your medicine.. see? Your schizophrenia meds are riiiiight there!" Sesuko pointed to two small pills on the bedside table.

"Ah.. I'll take them later... it's nice to see DICE again..." the purplenette smiled, opening his arms to her.

Sesuko gave him a big hug, "Bossu so much has happened! Tell me all about it.."

"Where is everyone anyways? Ah! Did Katashi start chemo yet?!" He smiled happily, believing this lie that DICE was real. His fantasy... his family.

"Yup! He's going to be just fine.. also Minako and Hayate got married! Can you believe it?! To think they hated each other's guts when they first joined but now they're in love!"

"That's great!! R-Ryuuji..?" Kokichi smiled, eyes watering.

"He's doing great! Oh, Katsuro and he started dating.. and they own a flower shop!! Isn't that romantic?! BONZAI!!!"

"BONZAI!!!" Kokichi giggled.

"Emi misses you by the way.. but she's too shy to come here.."

He pouted, "oh.. b-but hey!" He moved the blankets, showing his bandaged legs, "we're twins now!"

"Oh yeah! But you don't have prosthetics like she does.."

"Mm.. I missed you... I miss you all..." Kokichi smiled, wiping away tears.

"Awe.. Bossu.. you know you can't just stop taking your meds... I know you miss us but.. we're like the only good hallucinations you have. The rest are.. terrifying... trust yourself, you've seen the monsters in the dark."

"B-But it'd be worth it if I g-got to see something that was normal..! To just... t-throw away what happened a-and go back to when I was happy... with you and DICE!!" He cried.

"Bossu listen!" Sesuko grabbed his hands, "I know it hurts.. everything that happened... you feel horrible don't you... but I as a figment of your mind have to tell you that you need to move forward. You have to follow Shuichi, your boyfriend! You don't need us anymore... think of it as letting go of an old toy or an imaginary friend..."

"... Sesuko... I.. okay..." the leader sniffled, rubbing his eyes.

"Aww.. it seems like only yesterday we were playing patty cake with you and playing hide and seek.. we love you, Bossu... you're our leader and our family."

"... thank you..."

Out of the closet came 9 other people, his DICE members. All 10 of them were here with him... with Kokichi... to say goodbye.

"One last bonzai, Bossu?" Hayate smiled at the smaller boy.

"Yes I think that's appropriate!" Kokichi held his hand in, as did everyone else.

"BONZAI!!!" All the DICE members cheered, lifting their hands in the air.

Kokichi took the schizophrenia pills, and watched as his family began to fade away. The purplenette watched, beginning to cry without warning. He couldn't stop as it spilled out, like a never ending waterfall. Finally the doorknob twisted and the door opened, revealing the bluenette. He gasped softly, rushing over to Kokichi.

"Hey! Hey hey hey hey.. Kokichi... are you okay..? Do you need anything..?" Shuichi whispered softly, "I heard shouts..."

"I'm f-fine.. I think... hic.. I'm ready to see Maki and Kaito..." Kokichi whispered meekly.

"Ah.. are you sure..?"

"Shuichi is everything okay?!" Kaito and Maki had entered the room. But upon seeing Kokichi, the two stopped and stared.

"..." the purplenette stared at them.

"Y-Your.. legs..." the taller purplenette approached, "what.."

He flinched and moved the covers over his body, "d-don't look at me.. I didn't want you to see me in such a pathetic.. vulnerable position..."

"Kokichi." Maki glared, stepping forward.

"M-Maki—" Shuichi couldn't get the rest of his words out.

"You've grown since we were kids." She began, "you were just a shy little boy before.. you don't need to hide to be strong, Kokichi... go ahead, show weakness... it shows you're human. Without that you're just a stupid nobody who's lost themselves and their personality. Because that personality would be based on a lie. Just like you."

"... sister..." Kokichi relaxed, looking down at the blankets.

Maki rushed forward and hugged the small purplenette, "please don't be stupid, little brother.."

"LITTLE BROTHER?!" Both Kaito and Shuichi shouted in unison.

The purplenette giggled thoughtfully, returning Maki's hug. Shuichi always thought the two had a harsh sibling-like hate towards each other.. if not worse.

"That's correct.. Kokichi is my foster brother to me. In the past I would've disowned him as my family.. but I suppose I hoped deep inside he wasn't an evil brat... and he's not. I see that now."

"Thank you sister.." he smiled, moving the blankets.

"So your legs are really gone.." the astronaut glanced at the stubs where Kokichi's legs ended.

"Yup! But I'll get used to it I suppose." He stared at Kaito and Maki, he seemed nervous.

Shuichi noticed quickly, "h-hey.. it's getting late. Why don't you two get going before it gets too dark?"

"Right.. goodbye Shuichi. Goodbye Kokichi." Maki waved to both boys as the couple left.

When they were gone Kokichi relaxed, tucking himself in under the blankets. The bluenette smiled and got in bed with him, holding him closely.

"I know it's about time for supper.. but I just want to hold you for a while..."

Kokichi smiled at those words, leaning into his body. He was stiff at first but got used to the feeling. The feeling of being loved ever so dearly by his new boyfriend Shuichi Saihara.


	13. Temperature

It was winter, Kokichi gripping his blankets tightly in his hands trying to stay warm, ignoring the horrible pain in his body. He felt exhausted and sick, however he couldn't sleep. The cold nipped at him.. it felt like home to him. He wanted to be warm but.. the cold was what he knew best. The purplenette shivered, his back exposed to the chilly air.

"Hey.. I made hot cocoa." Shuichi announced from the doorway, coming in with a sympathetic grin on his pale lips.

"Oh.. t-thank you Shumai.." Kokichi sat up rather slowly, trying not to use much energy.

The bluenette stepped in next to him, burying his legs under the covers next to Kokichi, "here.. I'll hold it so you can regain your strength.. I know how sick you've been feeling recently."

"Thank you.."

He lifted the cup up to the leader's lips, tipping it just enough for Kokichi to get a sip. Kokichi lifted his hands and held the cup with Shuichi, tipping it more so he could get more of the hot cocoa. The scrawny boy pushed the cup away suddenly, covering his mouth as he started to feel even worse.

"A-Ah.. Kokichi..?"

The leader vomited painfully onto the sheets, the bluenette jumping back and falling out of bed. He kept throwing up, clutching his sunken stomach tightly in his pale fair hands. Shuichi got to his feet with haste, grabbing Kokichi in his arms and carrying him to the bathroom. He held him over the toilet as the purplenette choked and coughed, vomiting more. Eventually there was nothing left inside of him to choke up, leaving him gagging and sobbing.

"Kichi.. Kichi..."

"W..Why... why...!?" He started to sob, his voice scratchy. "W-Why me...??!"

"Shh.. hey, let's go take a bath okay..?" The bluenette tried his best to be calm in this situation.

"W-Why.. Why me... w-waaaghhh..."

Shuichi flushed the toilet, placing the leader in the tub. He reached over, helping the weak boy get undressed. He was flustered and nervous, but he had to be bathed. Once Kokichi was naked Shuichi started the water. The detective made sure it was the right temperature, warm. The purplenette was caught off guard by the sudden warmth invading his coldness. He shivered under the warmth, trying to evade it. But Kokichi couldn't escape the warmth of the gentle water.

"Kokichi are you okay?"

"Hn... yes. I'm fine." He lied, focusing on the water.

"Alright.. you got vomit in your hair. We'll have to wash it again."

The purplenette tried to hold back his excitement, he loved when Shuichi ran his delicate fingers through his dead white hair in such a calming manner, "alright.."

The detective got shampoo in his hands and began massaging Kokichi's scalp, rubbing down each strand of hair. The purplenette leaned into his hands needily, craving his touch and affection. His.. warmth. He wanted to be warm in Shuichi's arms. He needed his warmth. His arms wrapped around him, close and out of harm's wake. Lips against his own, resting there forever in an eternal kiss. His daydream was interrupted by a splash of water against his head.

"Ah! Sorry!" Shuichi smiled.

"S-Shuichi I wanna get out... c-can you get me some clothes..?" He turned to face Shuichi, a look of desperation in those dull, different colored eyes.

"Okay.. uh, we just have my clothes in the closet.. are you okay with that?"

"Yeah.." Kokichi murmured, laying his head in his folded arms on the side of the tub, dark bags under his eyes complimenting his pale complexion poorly.

The bluenette stood up, leaving the bathroom and retreating to his bedroom to retrieve a hoodie and underwear from the closet. The closet was organized, surprisingly, as Kokichi always left behind messes wherever he went.

He returned to his needy boyfriend, leaving the clothes nearby and helping Kokichi out of the tub. Shuichi averted his eyes as not to be rude, and quickly left. He stood by the door, sighing gently as he waited. The detective thought quietly to himself, closing his eyes as he began to slip deep into the crevices of his mind.

"SHUICHI!!!??"

He barely heard him, continuing to drift farther into his make believe land in his head. Shuichi thought of his childhood, his parents, and his uncle. His life before Danganronpa... he'd solve puzzles just like that. He was the smartest in all of his classes, and lived with his uncle from ages 9 up until a year ago. He used to have a pet dog, a big fluffy husky that was bigger than him. He was 3 when he had his dog. Shuichi reminisced about days when he would nap on the floor next to the husky, finding that it would protect him. He smiled thoughtfully at those memories, how he wished to get his childhood back.. to be an innocent child again. Back in the warmth of the good old days instead of the bitter coldness of his new found trauma.

Finally he snapped out of it, realizing two hours had passed. Shuichi gasped, rushing into the bathroom. What he saw made him freeze.

There on the floor Kokichi lay, a large puddle of blood surrounding his body. He was unconscious, skin pale. The detective hyperventilated, grabbing his phone from his pocket and quickly dialing 911. He dropped to his knees next to Kokichi and lifted him up into his arms.

He was cold.


	14. Pleading for Your Lips on Mine

The bluenette wept quietly as Kokichi was taken in an ambulance to the emergency room. He was so worried, but had things to take care of at home. Part of him didn't want to go see Kokichi in fear of being told he didn't make it. Shuichi bit his nails, slowly willing himself to move. He cleaned up the messes Kokichi left and sat on the couch.

"W-What do I do.. I don't— I.. I have to see him. I have to!!" He jolted up and dashed to his car.

Shuichi started the car and pulled out of the driveway, going just over the speed limit to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. At this point he didn't care about the consequences. He only thought of being there for his beloved.

The detective got out and ran into the waiting room, stumbling as his leg felt partially numb for reasons he didn't care to remember.

"Shuichi Saihara here to see Kokichi Ouma!!" He blurted at the receptionist, panting harshly.

"Oh.. relation?" She typed things on her computer.

"I'm his boyfriend.. i-is he okay?!! Tell me!!"

"He's in the emergency room.. I-I um.. don't know much about it, it was so fast. I'm sorry... feel free to wait here in the lobby."

"O-Ohh.."

Shuichi paced around the lobby, picturing the purplenette's face twisted in agony as he cried out for Shuichi. The detective shut his eyes, sitting down in one of the chairs. He tried not to think about it but those thoughts came so easily.. his poor boyfriend.. he'd become so weak from fighting for so long. It was time for Kokichi to stop fighting and rest.

The bluenette sighed, he felt terrible for leaving Kokichi bleeding on the floor. But what stung in his mind was the cold he felt when he held him.. Shuichi will never forget that cold. He still felt it on his fingertips.. he needed to be warm. Shuichi hated the cold.

"Shuichi Saihara?"

"H-Huh?" He turned towards the receptionist.

"I've been told you can see him now."

"Thank you.. thank you!" He smiled softly, running through the halls to Kokichi's room.

He didn't know exactly where the purplenette was but Shuichi didn't care to ask. That would waste too much time, he just wanted to be with Kokichi. Finally he entered a room and saw his sleepy boyfriend in bed reading. He smiled rushing over and hugging him.

"Ah—! Ouch.. S-Shumai.." he whispered gently, blushing.

Shuichi backed away only a little, "are you alright Koki dough..? Do you feel sick? Out of breath? Are you bleeding? Too hot? Too cold? In pain? S-Should I get a doctor?!" He whined.

"K-Koki dough—? Ahm.." the purplenette blushed gently, "I'm okay Shumai.. I'm on painkillers. I'm not sick right now and I had my stitches redone.." Kokichi grinned, "d-did I really worry you that much?"

"Yeah.. you did... I'm glad you're okay..." Shuichi leaned over and rested his forehead against Kokichi's, holding his face in his hands with care. "I'm sorry 'Kichi... I should've paid more attention to you..."

"No, don't blame yourself!" He pouted, speaking in a gentle tone he'd only used with Shuichi.

"Hm.. I can't help it... I wish you survived.. you wouldn't be in this much pain..." the detective sighed softly, "I should've reached out to you.. I should've gone to the hangar that night and stopped you!"

".. Shumai..." Kokichi looked down sadly, feeling rather guilty for making his beloved feel so poorly.

"'Kichi..." he leaned over and kissed his lips gently.

"Mm.." the purplenette leaned into the kiss needily, he grabbed onto Shuichi's hands and held them in place on his face.

"Ah..?" The bluenette pulled away from the kiss.

"Your hands are so warm... and I'm so cold..." he whispered.

"I'll... I will keep you warm Kokichi..."

The detective scooped Kokichi up in his arms, holding him close and wrapping the blanket around the both of them. He climbed back into the hospital bed and ran a hand through the leader's hair while he warmed up against him.

"I'm in love with you..." Kokichi whispered in a hushed voice right up against Shuichi's ear.

"... Koki dough..." the bluenette smiled against his shoulder, bringing him closer. "You've told me that before you know.. we're dating already..." he blushed slightly.

"I just wanted to remind you..."


	15. Flower that is not My Own

Shuichi rolled over in bed, he'd just woken up. It was odd, usually Kokichi woke before him but the purplenette was still sound asleep next to him with their nightlight on the bedside table emitting a soft blue glow.

Today they were going on a date. Oddly close to Christmas, however Shuichi insisted. Ever since coming home from the hospital Shuichi paid close attention to his boyfriend and practically loomed over him constantly worrying for him. However the leader hated when the detective worried about him.

The bluenette moved closer slowly as not to wake the delicate flower he loved so dearly. He lifted a hand and tucked each finger into Kokichi's hair, running his hand through slowly and gently. He caressed each strand of hair with care. Shuichi truly loved every part of his lover. He tucked his arms around Kokichi and urged him closer, his body still cold. He huffed sadly, he didn't like when Kokichi was so cold. He pulled the covers up more so that he'd become warmer, holding him close. The detective's lips lingered and hovered over the purplenette's shoulder, oh how he wanted to kiss him all over.

"Mmh.." Kokichi opened his eyes slightly, smiling at Shuichi.

"Morning my love..." he murmured ever so gently.

"I don't wanna get out of bed... I want to stay here with you... c-could you close the curtains...? It's blinding out there..."

"Okay..."

Shuichi slowly let go, getting out of bed and shutting the curtain. All was dark except for the nightlight. He turned around to come back, frowning at Kokichi's whimpers. He got back in bed, holding the purplenette protectively in his arms.

"We have a date today..." he whispered to the leader.

"I know... I just don't want to get out of bed right now... so weak.. so tired..."

"Medicine?"

"Maybe... I need to take my morning medicine.. could you get it for me..." Kokichi looked up at him meekly.

"Alright.. stay put okay?"

"I don't have legs to go anywhere so..."

Soon Shuichi had left to get his medicine. Kokichi watched the door, anxiously waiting. He felt bad inside... he wanted Shuichi with him. He needed the bluenette. He didn't want to feel this way.. he was already so vulnerable. What if his heart was broken again? What if the detective grew tired of him and abandoned him? He'd have no one if Shuichi left him. He knew that much. Since he didn't want to burden anyone else with his issues and get hurt again. He frowned, holding himself tightly. The purplenette was plagued with awful thoughts... that maybe Shuichi never loved him. And only dated him out of pity.

Shuichi came back and crawled into bed, helping Kokichi take his medication. The purplenette was on edge, watching Shuichi's every move.

"You alright..?" He asked.

The leader gulped, "I-I wanna go back and sleep in my room.. if that's okay..."

"What? Why?" Shuichi frowned quite sadly at Kokichi.

"I think we need a.. a break..." Kokichi looked away, "this isn't working out..."

"..." the detective sighed, "alright..."

Shuichi got up and carried the leader back to his own room. The bed wasn't as warm and comfortable... the curtains were sheer and the walls were soundproof so he couldn't call out for Shuichi.

He rested the small boy down in bed, making sure he was comfortable. Shuichi smiled a little at him, tucking him in. Kokichi sighed sadly and laid back. He clutched a stuffed bear that he kept in that bed, cuddling it. The bluenette ruffled Kokichi's hair and left, loneliness lingering in the air thickly like fog.

"So.. I guess the date's off then..." Shuichi sighed as he left.

"Yeah.. I guess so..." Kokichi closed his eyes, wishing things could be different.

He didn't want to leave Shuichi... but.. he felt wrong being with him. The purplenette hated being vulnerable. And a relationship is basically that... Kokichi didn't want to fight anymore but at the same time he felt he had to. He had to keep his mask on... he felt that it was all he had left. Maybe when Shuichi hates him... he will finally be able to find peace... but not in life.


	16. Guardian Angel

It'd been 3 weeks. Shuichi hardly interacted with Kokichi other than to bring him food or help him get out of bed to use the bathroom. However today was different, he had to take the purplenette to the doctors for a checkup.

The detective didn't handle the breakup well... he felt wrong. A cold chill in his body like he'd made a huge mistake. Shuichi tried to mask his sadness around Kokichi, for he felt the boy really couldn't handle Shuichi's moping and whining.

Kokichi didn't handle it well either. He found himself waking up every night sobbing in a cold sweat from night terrors to find himself alone in the dark once again. Memories would come flooding back into his mind. Memories of confined spaces of darkness, door shut as he hid and cried of fear and despair, covered in cuts and bruises while his Mama came looking for him.

The detective held a pillow over his head, Kokichi was screaming and crying. Probably having another episode. He couldn't face him... he couldn't. Shuichi wanted to... he wanted to save him, hold him, but... he couldn't. He couldn't will his body to get out of bed. The bluenette held the sheets tightly as he cried into them. He felt terrible... his Koki dough was suffering... and he couldn't even get out of bed to get to him.

"'Kichi... 'Kichi...!" Shuichi cried, shaking as he reached over and grabbed a box cutter from his bedside drawer. "I-I'm so sorry..."

He rolled up his sleeve, his skin stained red with blood. He wept as he glided the box cutter across his arms, his cries mixing with Kokichi's. Blood dripped onto the sheets. He stopped himself, throwing the blade and covering his mouth. Why did he do that?! Shuichi cried, the pain was immense. It stung it stung it stung. He quickly ran to the bathroom and cleaned up his arm, bandaging it. He couldn't have Kokichi know what he did...

"SHUICHI!!!" Kokichi screamed, sounding like he was in pain.

He ran in, stumbling and tripping over his feet. He saw Kokichi in bed sobbing profusely, holding himself, twitching uncontrollably. He was shaking... badly. He was having a panic attack. Shuichi gasped softly and ran to him, grabbing him and holding him, wrapping the blanket around the two of them. He just hugged the purplenette, one hand on the back of his head and the other on his back.

He could feel the leader's spine as his back twitched under him. The purplenette's body was frigid except for the tears drenching Shuichi's shirt. He hushed Kokichi softly, trying his best to calm him down. However Kokichi's crying persisted, resulting in him clinging to Shuichi tightly though he was so weak. He should've been resting...

"Sh-Shumai please c-come back I'm sorry..! I'm so sorry!!"

".. C-Come back..?" Shuichi stuttered.

"P-Please I—.. I don't wanna be alone anymore!! Please just take me back please I can't do this on my own!!"

"Why'd you wanna break up in the first place..?"

"I-I just.. got scared..." he spoke in a hushed voice he only used with Shuichi.

"W-Why..? Did I do something wrong?!"

Kokichi shook his head, "no! You— you were perfect.. everything I'd ever dreamed of..." he paused, tears in his eyes, "I just.. I've never been in a relationship... it's scary being this vulnerable.. I don't wanna get hurt ever again. A-And... I thought maybe your life would be much better without me in it..." he looked down at his lap, gripping the blankets.

"..." Shuichi frowned, cupping the purplenette's face in his hands. "Oh.. Koki Dough.. I'd never hurt you.. and if anything you've made my life better! I love you..."

"I-I.. I love you too!!" Kokichi giggled, crying as he rested his forehead against the detective's. "I love you... I love you.. I love you..."

"I have to take you to the doctor's, 'Kichi.."

"Reschedule.. say I'm too sick to come in... I just want to cuddle you all day." The leader leaned against him.

"Sigh.. okay." Shuichi smiled.

The bluenette picked up his phone and called the doctor, rescheduling their appointment. Once the call was finished, he pampered his boyfriend with little kisses and warm cuddles and snuggles. All the while Kokichi cried his heart out, happy to be with Shuichi again.


	17. First Date

It's been a couple days since the appointment, Kokichi received his new prosthetic legs and was now getting used to maneuvering around the house in them. He'd been confined to his bed for a couple months so this was new to him.

It was December, snow had piled up and blocked the doors and windows so Shuichi and his beloved were trapped in their house together. The bluenette was in his study working on his first case as an official detective of the TCPD.

However he wasn't alone, Kokichi watched the detective closely from the doorway, using his prosthetics to stand. He wanted to ask his beloved an important question... one that would change their lives forever... but how to phrase it? Kokichi wasn't the best at putting his feelings into words.

"Shumai..?"

"Hm?" Shuichi turned in his chair to face his boyfriend.

"I wanna go on a date!" He blurted, finally saying it.

"A-A date..? Kokichi if you haven't realized yet.. we've been snowed in..."

"No.. we can have one here!" Kokichi's heart beat hard in his chest, he felt like he had butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Why was he so shy?

"Oh.. OH! I have an idea!" Shuichi stood up, smiling.

"R-Really—? You'd go on a date with me—?" He sounded like he couldn't believe him.

"Of course!"

"W-Well.. what's your idea?"

"Here, follow me." The detective grabbed the purplenette's hand, flinching and letting go, "AGH-!! You're so cold!!"

"Huh? Oh.. sorry..." Kokichi rubbed his hands together, guilty.

"No it's fine..."

Shuichi brought his boyfriend to the living room, sitting him down on the couch. Kokichi was confused, watching the bluenette get plush and corduroy blankets. He placed them on the couch, plugging in one of the blankets.

"It's a heated blanket.." Shuichi whispered.

"Oh~ fancy~" Kokichi purred.

The detective left the room and into the kitchen while Kokichi got comfortable. He began to cook, just what was Shuichi planning? Finally after some time he came back to Kokichi holding two plates of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese. The purplenette giggled, he didn't expect this from Shuichi who knew a lot about how to cook.

"Wait, there's more." He turned and went back to the kitchen, leaving the two plates.

"Huh?"

Shuichi soon returned with some lunchables and two mugs of hot chocolate, one with marshmallows. At this point Kokichi was crying from laughter and how sweet this was.

"C'mon.. I have some movies we can watch!"

"Alright.. uh I've never been on a date so I really don't know what to do.." Kokichi murmured, almost embarrassed to admit it.

"Oh.. I've been on a couple dates.. h-hehe.." Shuichi blushed, "they sucked though..."

"Why?" He pouted at him, concerned about some potential horrific traumatizing story that Shuichi was about to tell. But it wasn't that.

"Because none of those dates were with you.."

Kokichi felt his face flush red, he wasn't expecting that sudden smooth line, "o-o-oh—!! R-Really?!" His voice broke and cracked, he was so nervous and for what?!

Shuichi chuckled, putting in a movie and returning to the little blanket fort they made and holding Kokichi close. The purplenette covered his mouth a little, flustered and warming up quickly. He leaned closer to Shuichi, he missed this feeling. This warm feeling.. love. It was love.

He nuzzled into the detective's chest more, only glancing at the tv occasionally. He was addicted to this warmth... his Shumai's love. Kokichi was overwhelmed with emotion, he didn't deserve this... the love that Shuichi gave him so willingly. The leader felt himself begin to cry, closing his eyes.

"Ah.. Koki Dough are you crying?" The bluenette murmured, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hic!! N-No.. I'm not.." Kokichi sniffled.

"You are.. why..? Is the movie scary? Is the food bad?"

"I-I.. it's none of that!" The leader whimpered, "I'm.. just not used to this... I don't feel I deserve you... I'm not enough for you..."

"'Kichi!!" Shuichi held his shoulders, "how could you think that... not enough for me?" He held his face close, "Kokichi Ouma... you are.. everything to me..." the detective whispered.

Kokichi shut his eyes tight, crying harder as he hid his face in the bluenette's chest. Shuichi was confused, holding him close still and hushing him quietly. He rocked back and forth, the purplenette passing out on him. The detective smiled softly, kissing his head gently.

The purplenette stirred only slightly, curling up in the fetal position on his chest. Shuichi collected him in his arms, removing the prosthetic legs as they went to the bedroom. Shuichi laid him down, tucking him in and kissing Kokichi goodnight. He frowned sadly, returning to his study to continue working...


	18. Cold Dead Heart

It was late at night, snowing hard. Shuichi just finished working, and was looking for Kokichi. The bluenette looked around the house only to find nothing. He frowned sternly, where could Kokichi have possibly gone?

"'Kichi?!" He shouted, becoming worried swiftly.

Shuichi put on a coat and went outside, searching for the little leader. Finally he saw Kokichi in the snow, knelt down. The detective ran to him, grabbing his shoulder.

"Kokichi what the hell are you doing out here it's freezing!!" He yelled.

"..."

The bluenette turned his head to what Kokichi was looking at. The shivering boy wearing just pajamas was staring at a shrine.. one he seemed to have just made himself. It had flowers and candles that Kokichi had been protecting. There was a stuffed animal there, and some rocks. Shuichi looked from the shrine to Kokichi. He was weeping...

"Koki Dough... what is this..?" He whispered softly.

"I..."

"Come on.. let's get inside." Shuichi tried to get him to stand.

"No!! Let go of me!" Kokichi pushed him, falling back in the snow.

"'Kichi!!!"

"Leave me be..." he whimpered.

"Baby please!" The bluenette grabbed his hand, "tell me what's wrong.."

"..."

"'Kichi.." he held him close.

Shuichi kissed the purplenette's head gently, rubbing his arms to warm him up. He held him close in the cold, waiting for Kokichi to be ready to talk.

"Hey.. are you ready to talk now?"

"Mhm.."

"Alright.. I'll listen..."

Kokichi gulped, "this is the anniversary of my brother's death.. today.. s-so... on this day every year.. I mourn the death of my brother and mother.."

"I-I.." the detective paused, "I'm so sorry, 'Kichi.. y-you.. you can talk to me about what happened.. if you want."

"... n-no I'm not ready yet..."

"Alright." Shuichi picked up his boyfriend, "l-let's get you inside okay..? You're freezing."

"M-Mm.."

He carried his beloved inside. Kokichi sniffled, trying to get closer to Shuichi. He was freezing cold, curled up in a little ball in his arms. The bluenette smiled softly, laying the leader down in bed. He kissed his head as he tucked him in.

"Darling.. please don't go outside when it's so cold out..." he whispered.

"B-But.. Sh-Shumai.."

"Shh.. just rest. I'll be here alright?"

"Okay.."

Shuichi grinned, getting into bed next to him and holding the purplenette in his lap for him to sleep. The boy fell asleep quickly, slumbering quite peacefully at first. So the bluenette grabbed a book and began to read as his boyfriend slept. The book was about a fantasy dystopian world, a dragon and a prince falling in love. He was quite fond of fantasy books, for Shuichi hated the world he lived in and longed for the worlds they wrote about in fairy tales and fantasy books.

Hours into his fantasy book, Kokichi began to stir. The bluenette glanced at him, the boy was still in a deep sleep. He must be dreaming.. though it didn't look like a pleasant one. The purplenette's lip curled in a pout and his brow furrowed worriedly. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Kaneki... K..Kaneki..." he whispered, "w..wake up.. wake up now..." Kokichi cried.

"..." Shuichi was speechless, the poor boy was having a nightmare.

"K..Kaneki please don't leave me..!"

"'Kichi!! Wake up you're having a nightmare!!" The detective begged.

"No.. NO!!" He gasped awake, looking up at Shuichi.

"KOKI!!" The bluenette held him tightly. "Are you okay?!"

"Gh.. Shu I'm fine.. i-it was just a bad dream."

Shuichi sighed, laying back with Kokichi. He wanted to ask... who was Kaneki? But he decided it wasn't the time. Kokichi was in mourning, and didn't want to worsen his mood. He decided on a plan, and tapped Kokichi's shoulder.

"Let's go on a date tomorrow."

"Huh? Oh.. sure! That sounds fun." The purplenette giggled weakly.


	19. Mother Dearest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parents do say some nasty things a few times so I’m warning you now.

Today, Shuichi's parents were coming to visit. The whole day the bluenette was nervous, nibbling on his nails anxiously and jumping at every little noise. His boyfriend noticed and pouted. He was instructed by the detective to play it cool so they wouldn't know they were dating. Kokichi felt terrible for the poor boy.. Shuichi had been told all his life that being gay was wrong.

"Shuichi?" He called.

"Ah..? K-Kokichi is something wrong??"

"No.. I'm just worried about you.."

"Ahm.. I'm gonna be fine... once they're gone we can cuddle all we want, okay?"

".. Shumai.." he placed his hand on Shuichi's cheek gently, whimpering softly.

"Shh.. sh sh.. hey it's okay! I'm fine..."

"..." the purplenette moved his hand, saddened.

The detective leaned down and gave his boyfriend a subtle kiss, his lips barely touching Kokichi's. The doorbell rang and Shuichi's blood ran cold. He looked to the purplenette, gesturing for him to keep quiet.

"They're here.. hush."

"..."

Shuichi dashed to the front door and opened it, looking up at his parents. They did not look pleased, as always. His mother smiled a little and hugged the detective.

"Hello, sweetie.. it's so good to see you again! Your father and I were worried.. so so worried!" She exclaimed.

"M-Mother.." Shuichi murmured, squirming away.

"May we come in? I'm sure with all of the money provided by the Future Foundation you've been able to deck the place out with all of the makeup, dresses, and other things you desire!!"

The bluenette cringed, "... uhuh..."

The couple entered the house, looking around. His mother chuckled as she picked up a book from the bookshelf. She flipped through it some and put it back, turning back towards Shuichi.

"You really do remind me of Belle from Beauty and the Beast.. you're so peculiar, sweetheart..."

"A real bookworm.. most girls just play sports or do makeup videos.." his father added.

Shuichi clenched his fists, "I.. um..."

"Didn't you mention you have a roommate?" The mother smiled at him.

"Y..Yes.. but he's aslee—"

"Go ahead, introduce us to him!" She smiled.

"..."

He sighed and took his parents to Kokichi's room. The purplenette looked up at them, fear in his eyes. Shuichi's father glared in disgust at Kokichi.

"Ugh.."

"He looks so pale.. and his hair is so long! And what's wrong with his eyes.." the mother looked disgusted and worried.

"H-He's fine!! He's perfectly normal!" Shuichi protested.

"..." Kokichi just looked down at his lap.

"What's with those fake legs on the floor? Is he cr*ppled?" His father mumbled.

"Father!!" Shuichi exclaimed, glaring.

"I'm just asking a question. He looks like a f*g..." he grumbled.

"Now that you mention it it does look like that!"

"Stop it!!" Shuichi shouted, getting his parents' attention. "Don't you DARE come into MY house and insult my roommate Kokichi.. your small, closed minds could never comprehend how much he means to me!! He doesn't misgender me, he doesn't insult my identity like you do!! A-And we help each other!! We suffered the WORST trauma and here you are continuing to abuse me!! I won't TAKE IT ANYMORE!! You don't own me.. I am Shuichi!! I am a man!!"

"..." Kokichi stared up at the bluenette, a certain proudness and gratitude shimmering in his dull and otherwise lifeless eyes.

"We're only trying to do what's best for you, sweetheart.. I'm sorry I haven't been there to stop you from.. becoming this..." his mother murmured, "I don't understand why you're antagonizing me and your father! We do what's best for you and we care about you more than that f*ggot!! So apologize RIGHT NOW!!" She snapped.

"Why should I?! All you've done is abuse me!! Keep me from being happy!!"

"You'll be happy when you accept the fact that you are and always will be a woman!!" The father yelled.

"..." Shuichi flinched and started crying, covering his eyes.

"..." Kokichi looked distraught, he couldn't let his boyfriend cry because of these nasty disgusting people.

"See? A real man doesn't cry."

"Quiet, you.." Kokichi smiled deviously at the parents.

"What?" The mother glared at him. "What did you just say?"

"..." the detective looked down at Kokichi.

"I said quiet you nasty whore! Some things are better off not said so how about you save yourself the trouble and stitch your mouth shut!"

"Hey!! Don't talk to my wife like that, queer!!"

"N'awwwweee I'm so offended~ so how about you leave me and Shuichi alone before I call the cops and tell them all about the horrible things you said to him.."

"My daughter will always be that. My daughter. Now quiet before I fucking make you!!" The father shouted.

Kokichi's hands trembled, however he kept his facade up to defend his boyfriend. "Daughter?! Pffftahahahaha!! You're so fucking stupid.. Shuichi is a man and you will refer to him as such! How would you like it if I referred to you as if you were a sweaty old man instead of an ugly lady?"

"Shut up!!"

"You're such fucking idiots.. get out.. and take your ugly grossness with you! Blegh!!" Kokichi sneered.

"..."

Finally the couple left angrily without another word. The purplenette relaxed sadly, crying softly. Shuichi jumped at him, hugging him tightly and burying his face in his shoulder. Kokichi was caught off guard, slowly hugging back. He gripped the fabric of Shuichi's shirt and leaned in closer.

"Thank you Kokichi..." the detective whispered.

"You too.. I owe you everything.." he responded in a softer voice.

"Why..? Why everything..?"

"Because no one's really stood up for me like that.. 'cept Gonta of course.." he giggled softly, "but it still means a lot to me... thank you..."

"... of course my love..."

Shuichi moved away a little, leaning back in to kiss his lover deeply. Gently pushing Kokichi down against the bed, he continued to kiss him. The kiss was tender, and seemed to last a lifetime. But once it ended they found themselves wanting more. Shuichi smiled, laying down next to him and holding him close. Kokichi was the most important thing to Shuichi... he didn't ever want to let go...


	20. Daydreaming of You

Shuichi opened his eyes, darkness, as always. He had work soon so he had to get up early. Beside him was his boyfriend, peacefully curled up next to him. Kokichi cooed gently as he slept, his hair tangled and messy. He moved some of his hair out of his face gently, laying a kiss on the leader's forehead.

"I love you..."

He got out of bed, getting himself ready for work. The bluenette got himself some strawberries and yogurt, eating it quietly and alone in the living room. He sighed softly, getting up again once he was finished and putting the dirty dishes into the sink for Kokichi to clean when he woke up.

Shuichi came into his room and started to get changed into his TCPD uniform. It was then that he felt two thin arms slink around his waist and hold him. The detective glanced behind him with a smile to see his very sleepy Koki dough hugging him.

"Morning, Kimchi.." he murmured.

"M.. morning..." Kokichi yawned.

"Did you sleep well?"

"A bit.. kept waking up though." He nuzzled his back, eyes still closed.

"I know.. you woke me up once."

"Sorry..."

Shuichi smiled, adjusting his tie, "it's alright. I have work today though.. I'm sorry to leave you alone so often lately..."

"Mm..." the purplenette whimpered softly, gripping his clothes.

"I know.. I know. But I have a career now. I know it'd be hard for you to work considering your condition.. so I want to take care of us..." the detective turned and held him.

"Okay.."

"I'll see you tonight okay?"

"Okay..."

Shuichi gave him a kiss on the lips before dashing out the door to his car. The leader stumbled, catching himself on the wall. He felt a cold emptiness as he went back to bed. He didn't see a reason to stay up when his beloved was gone.

The purplenette opened his eyes, his skin cold and mind racing. What was happening? Why was he hearing voices? Kokichi grunted as he remembered he'd forgotten to take his medication. He opened the drawer next to the bed and took his pills, returning to his comfortable position in bed as he waited for them to kick in.

Finally the boy awoke again hours later, finding that his boyfriend would be home soon. He hopped out of bed immediately, his heart beating fast in his chest as he ran to the kitchen. The short boy swiftly began to make dinner as he desperately wanted to repay his beloved for taking care of him and working so hard.

"My beloved will eat like a king tonight!~" he purred as he prepared sushi.

Kokichi grinned happily when the sushi was finished, setting the plate down on the coffee table. He stared at the food, thinking. He cringed a little, knowing he probably wouldn't be able to taste it anyways. So he could just skip dinner, right? Shuichi deserves to have all of it, not him. He whimpered softly, leaving to his room.

"I'm disgusting.. how could he love me..." he smiled, looking down at the button down shirt he was wearing with the sleeves rolled down.

The purplenette unbuttoned his shirt and watched it slip off of his body. He gazed in the mirror in front of him, weeping as he stared upon the fresh unseen cuts covering the sides of his waist and his arms up and down. Kokichi sniffled, tears clouding his vision as he saw how thin and sickly he looked. He felt weak.. like he couldn't do anything to save himself. His spine and ribs were visible through the skin and his stomach was sunken from malnourishment.

The leader broke down and collapsed onto his knees tugging on his hair as he rested his head against the floor. He sobbed and cried as the rain outside fell hard.

"I'm ugly im so so ugly...!!" He murmured in between cries.

The front door opened and closed, causing Kokichi to fall silent. He wiped his tears. Keep it inside, he said to himself. Don't let him see you like this, he thought. The purplenette couldn't move, he was stuck and he was frozen. He had to move! He had to! But.. part of him wanted Shuichi to see him like this... because he wanted help. He wanted to be happy.

"Kimchi I'm home!" He paused, "Kimchi?"

"..."

Shuichi came into the room and stared, shocked and worried. He slowly approached Kokichi, who was in the corner on his knees and elbows holding his head.

"K-Kokichi.. wh.. a-are you okay...?" He whispered gently, kneeling down beside him and sitting him up.

"... S-Shu..mai..."

The bluenette gasped as he noticed the cuts and scars on his boyfriend, "o-oh my god.. did you..?" He became teary eyed.

Kokichi nodded, hugging himself, "I-I'm sorry..." he whispered, breaking out into tears once again.

"Koki.. no.. don't apologize..." Shuichi pulled him closer and held him, letting him cry into his shoulder, "just.. get it all out okay? I'm here... shh.. sh.."

"I-I'm sorry Shumai... I.. c-can't be strong.. I can't lead anymore... I'm so w-weak..! I c-can't... I can't..." he mumbled through sobs, gripping his boyfriend's clothes tightly in his small shaking fists.

"Kimchi listen.." he whispered, "it's alright if you don't want to lead.. it's alright if you're weak, you don't have to be strong to keep going. You're beautiful to me.. you're so perfect..."

"Hic.. Shu...!!" Kokichi buried his face in his shoulder, sobbing louder.

Shuichi let his boyfriend cry it out, soon leading him back to the living room so they could eat together. The purplenette was exhausted despite sleeping all day. He had fallen asleep in Shuichi's lap on the couch.


	21. Dinner Date Night

The couple were going on a date, after all they hadn't been on one due to recent events. Shuichi was helping his boyfriend put on a tie since the boy never had to dress fancy for anything.

"N'awwee you look so cute trying to help me~" Kokichi purred.

"Well that's good.. but you really should learn to fasten your own ties."

"But I love it when you help me.. besides I don't like dressing like some rich aristocrat!!" He pouted.

Shuichi stared at him, unamused, "it's just a button up and a tie, sweetheart. Also it would do you some good to put on the dress pants I got you."

Kokichi looked down seeing he wasn't wearing pants, "oh. I forgot. Uh could you hand me them?"

"Sure." The bluenette gave him the pants, watching him put them on.

The purplenette did a little spin, showing his boyfriend the outfit. The detective sighed and tucked Kokichi's shirt into his pants. He looked up at Shuichi, unamused.

"Come on it's only a dinner date..." he smiled.

"Alriiight.. only 'cuz I love you!"

"Excellent.. I got us a reservation. I'll drive us okay?"

"Alright!"

Shuichi drove the two to the restaurant, it looked fancy and expensive. Kokichi would expect no less from the son of very rich people.. but he never really liked fancy places nor had he ever set foot in an establishment like this. He hesitated at the door as Shuichi went inside. The detective looked back at him.

"You coming?" He smiled.

"Oh.. sorry.. I've just never been in a place like this. Are you sure we can go here..?" The purplenette murmured nervously.

"Of course! I went here all the time as a kid.. I want to share this with you.." Shuichi kissed his cheek, earning weird stares from the people around them.

"Mm.." Kokichi glared at the people, holding onto his dearest Shumai. He hated when people stared at them like that... he got defensive quick.

"You okay, love?" The bluenette asked quite worriedly.

"Yeah.. I just get a bit overprotective when these nobodies look at my dear Shumai this way.." he growled lowly.

Shuichi smiled shyly, "oh Kimchi.. they aren't looking at us! It's okay to be ourselves in public okay..? So please don't be angry on our date.." he kissed his head.

"Hmph.. okay.. only for you my dear.." the leader smiled, intertwining their fingers.

The couple sat at a table, waiting for the waiter or waitress to take their drink orders. Kokichi kicked his legs as he sat at the table, staring at the menu. He looked up from it and realized that his boyfriend was looking quite nervous. He knew Shuichi hated being in public ever since they'd escaped.. he did find it odd that the bluenette suggested a date in a public place. He slowly reached over and placed his hand on Shuichi's, making him look up at him.

"We can go home if you're nervous.. you don't have to take me on a big fancy date to be a good boyfriend..." he whispered, smiling. "I'm happy with just having at home dates.."

"Oh.. Kimchi!" The detective smiled, "thank you.. ever since my parents said those cruel things about you I-I knew I had to make it up to you!"

"You make it up to me everyday just by loving me.." Kokichi smiled.

"T-That's... ah.." he wiped away stray tears from his eyelashes, "let's go home.. I want to hold you.. I want to hold you and never let go..." Shuichi murmured thoughtfully.

"Okay.. let's go home 'kay? I'll make us some popcorn and we'll watch a movie." Kokichi stood up, helping Shuichi up and walking with him back to the car.

Once they were back home, Shuichi clung to his small boyfriend all night. The purplenette found it adorable, cuddling his beloved. In his book, this had been the best date of his life. And he hoped that he would spend the rest of his life with Shuichi... his beloved... his only... his Shumai.


	22. Home is With You

Kokichi held onto his lover tightly. He’d be gone on a business trip for a week and he couldn’t take the purplenette with him. Kokichi couldn’t bear being alone but Shuichi had done all he could.. but to no avail.

“Please don’t go, Shumai…” he whispered.

“I have to… you know this, Kimchi…” Shuichi ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ll be back before you know it okay?”

“I-I.. don’t want you to go..! Y-You’ll stay there forever after meeting a boy that’s much better than me and I’ll never see you agai—“

“Kimchi!” The bluenette held his face, “you are everything to me.. I could never find someone better for me than you. You’re.. perfect… so perfect…”

“... m-my love—“

“Is what I’ll be forever.. your love… only yours…” Shuichi rested his forehead against Kokichi’s, staring into his eyes.

“...”

“It’s just for the week… if you need anything just call Rantaro, Kaede, Kaito, or Maki. Okay? I’ll call you tonight I promise…”

“Okay..”

The detective kissed him lovingly and picked up his suitcases, leaving. Paranoia swelled inside of Kokichi, imagining scenario after scenario where Shuichi would leave him forever. He started to weep, collapsing on his knees. There was a loud snap, only then did Kokichi realize he’d broken his prosthetics. They were only prototypes for him to test out so it wasn’t that bad. But without them he’d have a hard time moving around.

“S-Shumai…?” He called out weakly, hoping he’d hear him, “I need help…”

After an eternity of silence he decided to slip out of the prosthetics and learn to be independent. He didn’t like it, as being alone brought back painful memories of his. But he pushed through and managed to get himself something to eat.

He was recovering from an eating disorder now, and he knew Shuichi wouldn’t be happy if he stopped trying to get better while he was away. It was for his own good. So he sat on the floor staring at the food, which was a peanut butter jelly sandwich, and hesitantly took a bite. Feeling the food in his mouth made him feel ill. Kokichi hated eating… he felt he didn’t deserve to eat. But he had to get better. So he slowly began to chew his food, resisting the urge to cough it up. Then, he swallowed.

Kokichi smiled, “i-is anyone.. proud of me…?” He asked the nothingness around him. There was nobody who could hear, but he wanted to ask anyway.

He sighed softly and crawled back to Shuichi’s room, grabbing one of his sweaters from the floor and lifting himself slowly and weakly into bed. The purplenette held the sweater close, smiling as it smelled just like Shuichi. The scent of cool night air, fresh dew on grass, and the subtle scent of coffee and cologne. Relaxing, he dozed off drooling on the pillow.

The leader ended up waking up to his phone emitting a chiming noise. He lifted his head and grabbed his phone which had a checkered case. Kokichi saw Shuichi was the one calling and immediately answered.

“Hey Kimchi!”

“SHUMAI!” Kokichi was suddenly ecstatic.

“Ah.. keep your voice down.. I know you’re excited but you hurt my ears..” he chuckled.

“Oh.. I-I’m sorry..”

“No need to be sorry, okay? My first day was a success! I’m so excited to be working with the infamous Kirigiri-San…”

“... Shumai…?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t do this… I-I need you…”

Shuichi paused, “.. I’ll pick you up tonight okay? I’ll try to convince my coworkers to let you stay with us in our hotel room.”

“Yes-! Thank you Shumai!! Mwah!~ I love you so much!” He squealed happily.

“Alright I’ll be there in a bit okay? Bye, love…” Shuichi hung up.

The purplenette grinned, quickly packing some clothes and his stuffed bunny in a backpack before waiting for Shuichi to come pick him up. When he did, Kokichi held him the whole car ride back to the hotel. And Shuichi’s coworkers were nice enough to let the leader stay with them.


End file.
